"There Cannot Be a Shadow Without a Light"
by Sabrina Beasley
"I love you, Daddy," said 6-year-old Elizabeth as she ended the conversation with her father, MSG Tre Ponder. At the time he was in Afghanistan training aviators for the Army. "I love you, too," he told her.
It was a sweet conversation on a seemingly normal evening—June 27, 2005. Tre routinely called each night before he went to bed. "[I remember] laughing," says Tre's wife, Leslie. "It was a nice conversation … It felt good."
She had no way of knowing that would be the last time she would talk with her husband.
"We Valued Marriage"
Their friends said they had the perfect marriage and the perfect family. Tre and Leslie became high school sweethearts in 1986, but they went to separate colleges. It wasn't until Tre joined the Army that they started dating again. "We knew we belonged together," Leslie says. They were married shortly after that in 1994.
Tre, Leslie, and their two daughters, Samantha, 7, and Elizabeth, 6, were happy in their military home. The Ponders were aware of the strains of military marriages—the problems that come with long separations and unpredictable circumstances. In fact, they were called off of their honeymoon when Tre was sent to Haiti for Operation Uphold Democracy.
They had seen many of their friends go through divorce, so they worked hard to keep their marriage strong. "There were a lot of compromises," Leslie says. For example, Tre was an avid hunter, so Leslie learned to hunt. Leslie loved to attend plays, so Tre learned to appreciate the arts.
In April 2005, the couple went to one of FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember conferences. "We valued marriage … and we both put our marriage first," Leslie says, "Divorce was never an option for us." In the weeks following the conference, they even participated in the "Take It Home" activities found in the conference manual. "We experienced a closer intimacy because of it," Leslie later wrote.
A Dangerous Job
Tre was a "Night Stalker," part of a unit that services all military Special Forces (like the Navy Seals and Army Rangers) behind enemy lines. Night Stalkers usually work in the cover of darkness, bringing supplies, taking troops in and out of enemy territory, and addressing other needs, like coming to the aid of soldiers in danger.
It was a risky job, and Leslie knew that when she married him. "But he was Tre … He was my husband, the father to our children. I knew he was a soldier, but the military didn't define him."
In Afghanistan, Tre hung up the phone with his family, showered and went to bed. Later, he was awoken with an urgent message. There were four Navy Seals trapped on a mountaintop, surrounded by enemy fighters. The Seals had called for support, knowing they were outnumbered. Even though it was the middle of the day, an unusual occasion for Night Stalkers, they took a chance so that these soldiers could be rescued.
Tre was in Afghanistan only to train and had no obligation to go on the flight, but he signed up as a crew member because they were shorthanded. As the helicopter approached the mountain, it was struck by an insurgent grenade launcher and crashed. All 16 soldiers on that aircraft, including MSG Tre Ponder, died that day, along with three of the four Navy Seals that they came to rescue.
A Light of Covenant-Keeping Love
Leslie was asked to put together pictures for a slideshow in Tre's honor for the funeral. "I was flipping through these photographs … and it hit me how much he wasn't there," Leslie says. "But then I looked over at the growing stacks of photographs of him [at home], and I [thought] while he was here, he did so much with us. It wasn't the amount of time he had with us; it was what he did with that [time]."
When Tre was home, he was home.
Not long after the funeral, Leslie was writing thank you notes when she found the manuals from the Weekend to Remember conference that they had attended. She opened Tre's book and found pages filled with notes all around the margin and in blank spaces. Eventually she came to the love letter that Tre wrote to her during a couples project that weekend. That's when she decided to write this letter to FamilyLife:
Dear Mr. Rainey:
I do not exactly know what I want to say to you. I just feel called to write. So please excuse the ramblings—this is from the heart. In April of this year, my husband and I attended the Weekend to Remember conference in Nashville, Tennessee.
We were high school sweethearts in Franklin and over half our lives were spent together. We are 36 and started dating at 16. Tre and I could not have been happier with our lives together and our lives with our two daughters. Our marriage is very solid, built on God and His principles. Friends always called us the perfect couple with the perfect family.
Our world fell apart on June 28, 2005 when insurgents shot down my husband's helicopter in Afghanistan … I do not understand God's plan but I do know that He is sovereign and His arms will continue to hold Samantha, Elizabeth, and me as we try to make it day to day.
A few weeks before his accident, he was already in Afghanistan and I e-mailed him asking him what his favorite Bible verse was and why. He responded with Romans 3:21-31 and said verse 25 was the "meat and taters." He went on to write that he is not ashamed of his faith and "above all, I love planting seeds for God."
I cannot be more proud of Tre—of his faith, of his beliefs, of his job and of his love. I am so extremely blessed to be his wife. I know that Samantha, Elizabeth, and I are in a very dark place right now—it is lonely and scary—but I do also know that as we walk in the valley of the shadow of death, there cannot be a shadow without a light—the light of Christ Jesus.
Thank you, Mr. Rainey, for your organization and the wonderful memories I have of my and Tre's Weekend to Remember. They are cherished and help me in dark times.
God's blessings,
Leslie Ponder
Rainey was so moved by the letter that he decided to call Leslie. Rainey says that he found her to be a person "with a remarkable faith … not blaming God, not blaming the government, but trusting in Him and wanting to walk in obedience."
The battle for military marriages is a difficult fight. Since 2001 the divorce rate has doubled among military personnel, and 20 percent of all marriages in the Army end in divorce within two years after going to war. But Tre and Leslie Ponder were a shining example of commitment in the military world. Each year since 1999, FamilyLife grants the Robertson McQuilkin Award to a spouse that has exhibited courageous, covenant-keeping love. This past November 8, Leslie Ponder was the seventh to receive the award.The statuette and certificate were presented by Rainey, who said, "Leslie, your commitment and Tre's to one another is indeed a light. In the midst of the valley of the shadow of death, it's a light of covenant-keeping love between two people. … On behalf of the people your husband sought to defend, and on behalf of us as a nation … thank you for standing by your husband and for remaining committed and for being a model of what covenant-keeping love looks like."
by Sabrina Beasley
"I love you, Daddy," said 6-year-old Elizabeth as she ended the conversation with her father, MSG Tre Ponder. At the time he was in Afghanistan training aviators for the Army. "I love you, too," he told her.
It was a sweet conversation on a seemingly normal evening—June 27, 2005. Tre routinely called each night before he went to bed. "[I remember] laughing," says Tre's wife, Leslie. "It was a nice conversation … It felt good."
She had no way of knowing that would be the last time she would talk with her husband.
"We Valued Marriage"
Their friends said they had the perfect marriage and the perfect family. Tre and Leslie became high school sweethearts in 1986, but they went to separate colleges. It wasn't until Tre joined the Army that they started dating again. "We knew we belonged together," Leslie says. They were married shortly after that in 1994.
Tre, Leslie, and their two daughters, Samantha, 7, and Elizabeth, 6, were happy in their military home. The Ponders were aware of the strains of military marriages—the problems that come with long separations and unpredictable circumstances. In fact, they were called off of their honeymoon when Tre was sent to Haiti for Operation Uphold Democracy.
They had seen many of their friends go through divorce, so they worked hard to keep their marriage strong. "There were a lot of compromises," Leslie says. For example, Tre was an avid hunter, so Leslie learned to hunt. Leslie loved to attend plays, so Tre learned to appreciate the arts.
In April 2005, the couple went to one of FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember conferences. "We valued marriage … and we both put our marriage first," Leslie says, "Divorce was never an option for us." In the weeks following the conference, they even participated in the "Take It Home" activities found in the conference manual. "We experienced a closer intimacy because of it," Leslie later wrote.
A Dangerous Job
Tre was a "Night Stalker," part of a unit that services all military Special Forces (like the Navy Seals and Army Rangers) behind enemy lines. Night Stalkers usually work in the cover of darkness, bringing supplies, taking troops in and out of enemy territory, and addressing other needs, like coming to the aid of soldiers in danger.
It was a risky job, and Leslie knew that when she married him. "But he was Tre … He was my husband, the father to our children. I knew he was a soldier, but the military didn't define him."
In Afghanistan, Tre hung up the phone with his family, showered and went to bed. Later, he was awoken with an urgent message. There were four Navy Seals trapped on a mountaintop, surrounded by enemy fighters. The Seals had called for support, knowing they were outnumbered. Even though it was the middle of the day, an unusual occasion for Night Stalkers, they took a chance so that these soldiers could be rescued.
Tre was in Afghanistan only to train and had no obligation to go on the flight, but he signed up as a crew member because they were shorthanded. As the helicopter approached the mountain, it was struck by an insurgent grenade launcher and crashed. All 16 soldiers on that aircraft, including MSG Tre Ponder, died that day, along with three of the four Navy Seals that they came to rescue.
A Light of Covenant-Keeping Love
Leslie was asked to put together pictures for a slideshow in Tre's honor for the funeral. "I was flipping through these photographs … and it hit me how much he wasn't there," Leslie says. "But then I looked over at the growing stacks of photographs of him [at home], and I [thought] while he was here, he did so much with us. It wasn't the amount of time he had with us; it was what he did with that [time]."
When Tre was home, he was home.
Not long after the funeral, Leslie was writing thank you notes when she found the manuals from the Weekend to Remember conference that they had attended. She opened Tre's book and found pages filled with notes all around the margin and in blank spaces. Eventually she came to the love letter that Tre wrote to her during a couples project that weekend. That's when she decided to write this letter to FamilyLife:
Dear Mr. Rainey:
I do not exactly know what I want to say to you. I just feel called to write. So please excuse the ramblings—this is from the heart. In April of this year, my husband and I attended the Weekend to Remember conference in Nashville, Tennessee.
We were high school sweethearts in Franklin and over half our lives were spent together. We are 36 and started dating at 16. Tre and I could not have been happier with our lives together and our lives with our two daughters. Our marriage is very solid, built on God and His principles. Friends always called us the perfect couple with the perfect family.
Our world fell apart on June 28, 2005 when insurgents shot down my husband's helicopter in Afghanistan … I do not understand God's plan but I do know that He is sovereign and His arms will continue to hold Samantha, Elizabeth, and me as we try to make it day to day.
A few weeks before his accident, he was already in Afghanistan and I e-mailed him asking him what his favorite Bible verse was and why. He responded with Romans 3:21-31 and said verse 25 was the "meat and taters." He went on to write that he is not ashamed of his faith and "above all, I love planting seeds for God."
I cannot be more proud of Tre—of his faith, of his beliefs, of his job and of his love. I am so extremely blessed to be his wife. I know that Samantha, Elizabeth, and I are in a very dark place right now—it is lonely and scary—but I do also know that as we walk in the valley of the shadow of death, there cannot be a shadow without a light—the light of Christ Jesus.
Thank you, Mr. Rainey, for your organization and the wonderful memories I have of my and Tre's Weekend to Remember. They are cherished and help me in dark times.
God's blessings,
Leslie Ponder
Rainey was so moved by the letter that he decided to call Leslie. Rainey says that he found her to be a person "with a remarkable faith … not blaming God, not blaming the government, but trusting in Him and wanting to walk in obedience."
The battle for military marriages is a difficult fight. Since 2001 the divorce rate has doubled among military personnel, and 20 percent of all marriages in the Army end in divorce within two years after going to war. But Tre and Leslie Ponder were a shining example of commitment in the military world. Each year since 1999, FamilyLife grants the Robertson McQuilkin Award to a spouse that has exhibited courageous, covenant-keeping love. This past November 8, Leslie Ponder was the seventh to receive the award.The statuette and certificate were presented by Rainey, who said, "Leslie, your commitment and Tre's to one another is indeed a light. In the midst of the valley of the shadow of death, it's a light of covenant-keeping love between two people. … On behalf of the people your husband sought to defend, and on behalf of us as a nation … thank you for standing by your husband and for remaining committed and for being a model of what covenant-keeping love looks like."
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